Banner Interchange Ireland
Man calls home.
Maid answers phone.
He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"
She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend."
He's maid--says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs
and kill them both."
Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."
5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What
should I do with the bodies?"
He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home."
She says, "We don't have a pool."
He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice -
"Jesus is watching you!"
He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!"
He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot,
"Did you say that?"
The parrot answers "Yes I did."
So the burglar says , "What's your name?"
The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"
The parrot laughs and says,
"The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....
"Who is it?????", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".
So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them.
The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then
looked at them and said, "nice tits sisters, where do you want the blinds??"
An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.
She says, "Well what was that for?"
He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"
She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.
All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.
He says, "Well what was that for?"
She says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."