An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the World laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

A Cowboy said to a Rancher, "Is that your dog?" The Rancher replied, "Yup." "Mind if I talk to him?" "Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?" The Cowboy replied, "So what's the harm? May I?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the dog, "Howdy!" The dog replied, "Hello." The Rancher's eyes pop wide. The Cowboy continued, "Is this your master?" "Yep, he sure is." "Does he treat you alright?" "Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play." Rancher was dumbfounded. The Cowboy said to the Rancher, "Is that your horse over there?" "Yes." "Do you mind if I talk to him?" The Rancher replied, "I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk." "Well, then what would it hurt?" "Go right ahead." The Cowboy said to the horse, "Hello." The Horse replied, "Hello." The Rancher stood there with his jaw wide open. The Cowboy asked, "Is that your owner?" "Yup, sure is." "He treat you okay?" "Sure, he rides me every day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the barn away from the elements." "Sounds good." The Cowboy then asked the Rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?" The Rancher is horrified and stammers, "Them sheep out there, they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger at Mascot in Sydney. It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that'll kinda give you a buzz." So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up. But it didn't. He felt good. In fact, he felt great - no hangover! Bill's phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked, "Hey, how do you feel?" "I feel great!" replied Bill. "I feel great too! You don't have a hangover?" "No. That jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover. We ought to do this more often!" "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing..." "What's that?" "Did you fart yet?" "What?" "Did you fart yet?" "No..." "Well, don't, because I'm in Melbourne!"

You, and 2 of your friends got killed and were sent to heaven, where there was only one rule. You could not ever step on the white bunny rabbit. So, you and 1 of your friends are walking along and see your other friend making out with this really ugly person! The 2 of you ask your friend why he/she is making out with this ugly person. The friend says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit".

Then later, you and your friend that had stepped on the white bunny rabbit were walking along and saw your other friend making out with an even wrost looking person!! The 2 of you ask your friend why he/she is making out with this ugly person. The friend says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit"

Now, the 2 friends who stepped on the white bunny rabbit are walking and see YOU making out with this beautiful model! The 2 friends ask you how you managed to get her/him. The model then turned around and says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit"

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