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smitht@esatclear.ie


'I'

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.

COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is getting better.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.

If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. -- Albert Einstein

It works better if you plug it in.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I! Finally! Figured! Out! How! To! Punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.



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