The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because
the average man can see better than he can think.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words,
there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but
government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
-- Salvador Dali
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
-- William Clayton
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The road to to success is always under construction.
Those who can't write, write help files.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
TRAPEZOID: A device for catching zoids.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
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