Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years and having seven children I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally uselless.

After getting married I was advised to use the rhythm method. Despite trying the tanto and samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the cha-cha-cha.

The doctor suggested using the safe period. At that time we were staying with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty. Needless to say, this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast feeding we would be alright. It was hardly Newcastle Brown Ale, but I did finish up with a clear skin, silky hair and felt very healtjy but my wife fell pregnant.

Another old wives tale we heard was that if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse this would prevent preganancy. After constant breast feeding (including my earlier attempts) my wife jumped up and down but finished with black eyes and knocked herself unconscious.

I asked the chemist about the sheath. The chemist demonstrated how easy it was to use one so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which did not suprise me as I fal to see how a Durex fitted over the top of my thumb as the chemist showed can prevent babies.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after several attemps to fit it we decided we had been given a left hand thread and my wife is definitely a right hand screx.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very pleased about this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all but it did give my wife several headaches. We were given the largest size available but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out. Then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife then started putting it between her knees thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This worked for a while until the night she dropped the pill.

You must realise and appreciate my problem. If this application is not successful I will have to result to oral sex but just talking about it could never be a substitute for the real thing.

Yours sincerely

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