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Play Scene

Extract from

THE CONNEMARA TRIANGLE, Act 2

(Paddy the Spaceman is explaining how he got where he is - an island off Connemara.)

Patrice  

They're grand souls too, in their way. Marvellous people. Can do anything. Anything at all. Look at how they got me here.

Anna  (ironically)

I'm looking.

Patrice  

Not every would believe it.

Anna  

Out of this world.

Patrice  

They went to a lot of trouble. But I was going to tell you. Money. They rationed me. That was the big decision. Whether or not to ration me. You see, we're not supposed to be like ye at all. But you never can tell, can you.?

Anna  

Can't you?

Patrice  

Not corruptible. No original sin. We don't suffer from what ye call here temptations.

Anna  

You don't?

Patrice  

Not in our normal state. We're above all that. So they could have given me an unlimited supply.

Anna  

A what?

Patrice  

A machine; a device, a yoke, a foolproof... Oh when I think of it!

Anna  

Well go on - tell us!

Patrice  

It doesn't bear thinking about. They were right of course. They say human nature is corruptible, and they're spot on - don't I know it. Oh dear oh dear!

Anna  

Now let's get this straight: they could have given you - an unlimited supply - of what?!

(Enter Mick on the burst.)

Mickeleen  

They'll be going in about half an hour. The forecast isn't bad and he reckons he'll be able to make a run.

Anna  

Will you be quiet a minute.

Mickeleen  

Come on man get your things together.

Anna  

Hould your whisht you!

Mickeleen  

We haven't that much time! He won't be making any delay!

Anna  

Well you can wait until I get this piece of business ironed out!

Mickeleen  

Shut your mouth woman! You don't want to miss it do you?

Patrice  

...I'm not - going.

Mickeleen  

You're what?

Patrice  

I said I'm not going.

Mickeleen  

Well you've got to go and you're going to go.

Patrice  

Don't you hear me telling you I amn't!

Mickeleen  

And what about your mission?

Patrice  

What about it, well!

Mickeleen  

And the people who sent you, are you going to let them down?

Patrice  

See where they've left me!

Mickeleen  

And the fate of the world and pollution and the atom bomb and the future of mankind and the universe?

Patrice  

Oara feck 'em! Feck 'em all!... Lookat - there'll be a load of drink coming in on the boat, and the pub'll be open again in the evening, now don't be bothering me - fate of the world!

Mickeleen  

You won't stir?

Patrice  

I'm sick. Worse!

(He means broke.)

Mickeleen  

Sick is right! Well I'm going. If you won't, I will. And I'll do your job for you. I know what it's all about. I'll see the Prime Minister myself and I'll... Anna!

Anna  

You're talking to me again?

Mickeleen  

This is no time for bickering. The future of the universe is at stake. Give me the fare to London! I know you have it in the press.

Anna  

Money you want?

Mickeleen  

I never asked you for anything before.

Anna  

Would you think of asking your pal?

Patrice  

There's no point in asking me - I'm out, clean out. I haven't a make. But if you're so set on going, I'll go with you; and never mind mission - we'll get work, and the price of a drink in our pockets, and th'other thing can wait... Anna. When you're getting the fare for Mickeleen out of the press - make it two of those would you?

Anna  (incredulously)

I - don't - know - if - I'm - going - cuckoo altogether. Is it me? Or is it you! Let's take a reading on this. You've no money after your week's boozing and you want me to pay your way to London?

Patrice  

Well it's like I was telling you, they only gave me enough for six weeks' good living in the west end of London...

Anna 

And you have it all spent in eight days guzzling beer?

Patrice  

Of course they could have given me a money machine, a little pocket seteen that would have turned out undetectable forgeries by the new time...

Anna  

And they didn't?

Patrice  

But they reckoned human nature wasn't to be trusted.

Anna  

Well sufferin junipers! You expect me to believe that? You think I'm up the tree altogether?

(fetches notes from drawer)

Take your blasted money and get the hell out of here the two of ye. Go and catch the boat to England and get yeerselves a job on the building sites and don't come back unless ye're loaded! Don't come back at all! Such a cock and bull story I never in my life heard tell of! Away to hell out of that!

(She runs them. As they disappear down the path, she comes repeatedly to the door and shouts after them.)

And no emigrants' farewell!... And good riddance!... Give them all my regards! The Queen too! Tell her I was asking for her!... And make sure ye save the world!... And mind ye don't end on the rubbish dump!

(calmer)

And now we might get a bit of peace around here. Aren't we as well off without them. What a fairy tale. Men!

(Fade to black)