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The Shaft Saga
| Anticipation | Curses! | Rumours | Sh*t Music | EEEEE! | Still the Man |
JUNE 10: ANTICIPATION
Shaft is released in Ireland in November. I had resigned myself to that. I could have given myself a good couple months of hype. I think Spock might have said,
"Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting; It is not logical but often true"
Then Bones probably said,
"Shut up you green-blooded pointy-eared Vulcan. Vulcans out! Keep the Enterprise human!"
But here I am in America and Shaft is out in a couple of days. I'm going to cheat the system! It's like that time I bought my food in McDonalds and then went next door to Burger King to sit down and eat it.
Who's the man who sits down to eat, even when it's not a mac-seat?
ME! You Damn right...
CURSES!
I've been foiled again! I don't often get foiled. The last time was when I had that meddling caped crusader and boy blunder tied to a giant rotating wheel of death. My idiot henchman "Stupid Joe" was tricked into releasing them and then he was zoinked. But I suppose I'm to blame too. He only found my hideout because I wrote the address on a piece of paper and hit it at the crime scene hoping no one would find it.
The present foiling isn't related to the Dark Shite (Dark Knight - Dark Shite, Joker would have said it if the show was on late at night) I wont be seeing Shaft as I had planned to. It's released on June 18 by which time I'll be jetlagged in Dublin, probably watching a film that's the complete opposite of Shaft, and I don't even like Woody Allen movies.
WOODY! Damn straight...
JULY 18: RUMOURS
I've seen the trailers for Shaft and know a little of the story, but I don't know enough to sort the truth from the lies in any rumours I hear. I know Richard Roundtree is in it as Shaft's uncle but I've been told that he is playing the original Shaft and Samuel Jackson is his nephew. So the main Shaft in the new movie isn't the same character as the Shaft from the seventies. It's just like that cartoon James Bond Jr. only with more swearing:
James Bond Jr.: "Blast! Those villians have gotten away. By golly I'll get you next time!!"
Shaft: "**** it! Those ****in' ****ers have ****ed off some ****in' place. **** me! I don't know where the **** they are. But when I find 'em I'll **** 'em up real good."
In both of these cases I don't know why the new Shaft or James Bond jr. would have to be the nephew of the original. Based on Shafts and Bonds behaviour I'm sure they'd both have many many children. Shafts kids would all be in and around New York, but there should be little James and Jane Bonds running about all over the world.
BOND! Right on...
SH*T MUSIC
The official Shaft 2000 website has little MP3 snippets of the soundtrack. The original movie is often remembered for the music, so the new one has something to live up to. Most of the music sounds pretty good, "Bad Man" is cool, but there's one track that stands out from the others a little. It's "Pimp Sh*t" and it's performed by some guys with extremely high-pitched voices. I'm really hoping it's one of those soundtracks that doesn't actually reflect the music of the film. It'd really spoil the moment if Samuel Jackson's in the middle of some serious scene and suddenly we hear:
HEY BABY! WHERE'S MY MONEY AT? ... DO I GOTS TO AX YOU TWICE BEE-AAAAAAAAATCH?
I can't see it fitting in to any film, let alone this one. Even a movie called, "The Funky Adventures of Mr. Pimp and his Ho's" would have subtler music. It's stuff like that song that gives pimps a bad name ... no wait, it's all the crimes.
Hey bee-atch, why you talkin bout Shaft? That foo dont even got hisself no fluorescent top hats...
AUGUST 25: EEEEE!
So, I thought Shaft would be coming out in November (By coming out I mean being released. Very unlikely that the other meaning of the term would apply). But I started seeing previews of attractions now and coming soon all of which are suitable to this presentation, for Shaft. It's out in September! EEEEE!
STILL THE MAN
Good things come to those who wait. Or those who go out looking for good things. Either way, I've seen Shaft.
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